(this idea is inspired by the sofa: a moral tale which is yes an 18th century french novel about a man who is turned into a sofa that yes i did just learn about today and immediately thought oh now THAT’S what i call a trope) (sorry in advance)

at first sj thinks oh this is my chance AT LAST my new owner is a complete babe this is BOUND to lead to me being unleashed from this terrible sofa hell i bet this guy has people falling in love with him all the time!!

and he’s right, in some ways. yg dates a lot of people and in the beginning sj is thrilled about it. he can practically feel his chubby little sofa arms getting ready to transform back into glorious human flesh. yg and his incredible libido are his ticket to fleshy freedom

but that was months ago. at some point sj realizes that no matter how many people yg goes on dates with, none of them seem to stick. it’s always the same; a few dates, a bit of fun, and then yg leaving the other person a voicemail about how he doesn’t think they’re gonna work out

sometimes sj gets his hopes up. yg will start dating someone new and sj can tell they’re really hitting it off. and he does his best to make the dates go smoothly, relaxing his chest so the cushions are the perfect softness, exuding as much sex appeal as he possibly can as a sofa

and sometimes his sex appeal works a little too well and he gets an incredibly intimate glimpse into yg’s dating life. sj feels creepy in those situations, like he’s intruding, but it’s not like he can help it. he’s just a sofa. a sofa that’s too sexy for its own good

and honestly he doesn’t get weird about it just because there’s some fumbling happening on top him, he has no concept of what it means to get turned on anymore he lost his dick 70 years ago seriously he’s more couch than man at this point

but sometimes at the end of those fumbling sessions he thinks for SURE there’s gonna be some kind of confession i mean they were going at it for so long surely that’s true love, SURELY no one would make all those horrible wet sounds with someone they couldn’t vow to secrecy

and sometimes it does come. sometimes there’s a deep breath and sj knows this is it. this is the troubled sigh of someone about to bare their soul. there’s a deep breath in and an “i love you” that comes on the exhale and sj waits with baited breath for the reply

but it never comes. yg never feels the same way. there’s a stunned “oh” from yg and then silence. silence until the sound of the other person awkwardly rushing to get dressed and apologizing for going too fast, and yg apologizing for not being able to give them a response

sj knows yg feels bad when that happens. the dates stop for a while whenever their household has to deal with the aftermath of a confession. yg will have friends over, people who sj learns are jk and nj and hs, and sometimes yg’s neighbors jm and th come by to get dating updates

and yg always says the same thing to them, that he’s not ready for something serious yet. he’s trying but hes not. slowly sj gets more details, about yg’s last relationship, about the heartbreak, about the reason yg needed a new apartment and sofa, and it all starts to make sense

after one particularly awkward rejection, at the end of a first date no less, yg swears off dating. he paces in front of sj and sj can only watch in sympathy. “i can’t do it anymore. i can’t keep making people feel bad just because i’m too slow at falling in love. i just can’t.”

sj wishes he could be a better friend. wishes he could pipe up and say something like “people would wait for you, people know you’re worth the wait yoongi” but he can’t. he’s a sofa. so he just listens, because that’s what yg needs

yg still has friends over and goes out, but the dating ban stays in effect, and sj discovers that he doesn’t mind it too much. yg seems pretty happy on the nights when it’s just the two of them. or well, one of them, plus a soul trapped in a sofa

sj has missed out on a lot of modern culture, but yg likes to watch old movies and documentaries, sometimes about the time when sj was a human, times he can remember, and those nights become strange pockets of comfort for sj

hearing someone laugh at jokes seokjin used to laugh at, at movies he remembers seeing in movie theaters, it’s nice. sometimes, days later, yg will mumble one of the jokes to himself and chuckle in memory at the movie scene, and sj wishes yg could hear him laughing along

yg introduces sj to new movies too. sometimes he’ll ask out loud what he should watch, and sj can pretend he’s talking to him. “what mood am i in tonight?” yg will wonder. “not the metal superhero one again,” sj quips back. “iron man?” yg asks. “yah i JUST said no,” sj whines

sometimes sj thinks yg can tell he’s not exactly alone, because he starts talking out loud more. yg blames it on his therapist, says she told him to start saying positive affirmations out loud so they don’t get lost in his head. so now sj gets to hear all about yg’s days

at first it’s all positive. “i found 500 won on the sidewalk” “i liked my outfit today” “i did a good job presenting at work today” and sj always answers back. “what the hell are you gonna buy with 500 won” “you look good in blue” “you practiced so much, of course you did well”

then it turns into the good and the bad and the in between. “i miss my mom” “i’m not brave enough to ask for a promotion” “i’m too tired to cook today” and sj responds. “give her a call, she’d like that” “yes you are, of course you are” “just order some food and rest, ok?”

it’s a year into living with yg that sj realizes something awful. something terrible and cruel and completely unfair. he’s in love with yg.

he’s a fucking COUCH and he managed to fall in love for the first time ever with someone who he NEEDS to fall in love with someone else so that he can stop being a fucking couch

sj sulks about it for a few weeks. thinks about how unlucky he is, more so than he ever has since he got cursed. because before yg the curse just felt like some horrible comedy, like an absurd hell he managed to stumble into. now, it feels like tragedy and heartbreak.

but then yg comes home from work one day and flops on top of him. “fuck,” yg mutters. “what’s wrong?” sj asks. “such a long day. such a stupidly long day.” “was your boss annoying again?” “he’s the worst. he’s the fucking worst,” yg groans to himself. “yeah,” sj agrees.

“such a long day,” yg repeats, sleepier this time. “well it’s over now,” sj soothes, wishing he could be heard. “it’s over now,” yg sighs, agreeing without realizing. sj laughs as best he can. “exactly. just rest now, you worked hard.”

yg sighs again. “i should do something. i’ve hardly gone out and socialized lately.” sj wants to whine in protest, but it wouldn’t matter anyways. yg wouldn’t hear him. “don’t wanna though. just wanna stay here.” yg mumbles into the cushion. sj can almost feel his heart thump.

“really?” sj wonders. yg hums happily. “you’re so soft. how’d i get so lucky finding you?” yg rolls his head to the side so he can rub his cheek against the fabric. “thank god you got me deep cleaned or else that would have been gross,” sj jokes, trying to ignore how sad he is.

“and such a bargain,” yg mumbles. sj wishes he still had eyes so he could roll them. “hey, that’s not exactly a compliment-“ “they practically paid me to get you out of their store, you were taking up so much space.” sj squawks silently. “ok that’s enough from you young man-”

sj thinks yg is drifting off to sleep, and he wants to shake him awake, remind him he needs to eat something, but he’s powerless to do anything but sit beneath him. until “so glad i found you. love you.” yg mumbles, half asleep.