I have no sensation in my crotch region at all. You could stab me with a knife and I wouldn't know. The entire area is numb, like it's shell shocked and unable to comprehend what happened, even 4 years on.

No one told me that the base area of your penis is left, it can't be removed - meaning you're left with a literal stump inside that twitches. When you take Testosterone and your libido returns, you wake up with morning wood, without the tree. I wish this was a joke

And thats something that will never come back and one of the reason why i got surgery. My sex drive died about 6 months on HRT and at the time I was glad to be rid of it, but now 10 years later, Im realising what im missing out on and what I won't get back.

Because even if i had a sex drive, my neo vagina is so narrow and small, i wouldn't even be able to have sex if i wanted too. And when I do use a small dilator, I have random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than pleasure.

Any pleasure I do get comes from the Prostate that was moved forward and wrapped in glands from the penis, meaning anal sex isnt possible and can risk further damage.

Then theres the dreams. I dream often, that I have both sets of genitals, in the dream I'm distressed I have both, why both I think? I tell myself to wake up because I know its just a dream. And I awaken into a living nightmare.

In those moments of amnesia as I would wake, I would reach down to my crotch area expecting something that was there for 3 decades, and it's not. My heart skips a beat, every single damn time.

Then theres the act of going to the toilet. It takes me about 10 minutes to empty my bladder, it's extremely slow, painful and because it dribbles no matter how much i relax, it will then just go all over that entire area, leaving me soaken.

So after cleaning myself up, I will find moments later that my underwear is wet - no matter how much I wiped, it slowly drips out for the best part of an hour. I never knew at 35 I ran the risk like smelling like piss everywhere I went.

Now i get to the point where im detransitioned and the realisation that this is permanent is catching up with me. During transition, I was obsessive and deeply unwell, I cannot believe they were allowed to do this to me, even after all the red flags.

I wasn't even asked if I wanted to freeze sperm or want kids. In my obsessive, deeply unwell state they just nodded along and didnt tell me the realities, what life would be like.

And finally, theres dilation, which is like some sort of demonic ceremony where you impale yourself for 20 agonising minutes to remind you of your own stupidity.

This isn't even the half of it. And this isn't regret either, this is grief and anger. Fuck everyone who let this happen.

I haven't deleted anything btw. Thread got mass reported.

Thank you for archiving kind internet stranger https://archive.ph/dA1wn

@TwitterSupport Can you unhide my thread? Cheers.

@TwitterSupport eyyyyyyyy we're back! Thankie @jk_rowling

@TullipR I can't like this, but I'm commenting to let you know I read your story. I know it doesn't mean much from a total stranger, but I'm so sorry this happened to you.

@TullipR @DennyRun This was fascinating. Something I never hear or read. Thank for sharing as it is indeed something that should be known for those wishing to transition. You were an adult when you transitioned no? 24? What could they have done to stop you that you would have accepted?

@TullipR @mcgilead I liked this to show my support to you, not because I actually liked this. Your story is so important, I’m glad you’re speaking out. More people need to hear this. I’m so sorry the medical profession was allowed to do this to you, it’s horrific. Sending love ❤️

@TullipR I always think I’m beyond being shocked, but this got me. I’m disgusted that this was done to you & the NHS is allowing more people like yourself to go down this path. You’ve been incredibly courageous in putting this out there for us to read, I don’t know what else to say.

@TullipR I appreciate how you use real words to describe the impact on you instead of euphemisms like “ impaired sexual functioning”. Especially the part about smelling like piss. This is exactly what people need to hear. Thank you, Ritchie.

@TullipR So many in here saying,"it's your fault","you should have researched" are missing the point. This man was going through an identity crisis and instead of medical professionals recognizing that and getting him help they encouraged transition by misleading him.

@TullipR Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry this happened to you. These butchers and those who enable them deserve life in prison and you deserve a handsome settlement, for starters. Praying a just world comes sooner than we think.

@TullipR This is one of the most shocking things I've read. I'm so sorry.

@TullipR Compulsions and obsessions used to be red flags for doctors to NOT perform surgery. Seems profit has overtaken ethics.

@TullipR I am so sorry this was done to you. You literally made me cry. Like even if this is what you wanted and you weren’t a de-transitioner how in the world could anyone do this to you? To turn you into a designer eunuch?

@TullipR @RitaPanahi You are incredibly brave, and I’m so sorry our society and the medical community failed you. Praying you find comfort and peace.

@TullipR There are no words enough for what I want to say 🖤 The people who did this must go to prison.

@TullipR I’ve read what you’ve written. Bless you for revealing it.

@TullipR Such a harrowing read. @ShifterofShapes has a similar tale. I think many are just not being honest. I would jail the lot of them. 💔

@TullipR You’re so unbelievably brave for being so honest with us and with yourself. I really hope people, especially kids, considering this for themselves see your threads and have a real understanding of what this all actually looks like. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

@TullipR Thank you for speaking out. It's so inhumane how this stuff is being pushed on, not only adults, but children too. Instead of treating the problem of being uncomfortable with your own body, they're mutilating people and it's not right.

@TullipR Among people who have gone through a similar process, how common or uncommon are those types of problems?

@TullipR This is so difficult to read, I can’t even imagine what it must be to live it. Thank you for your bravery. ❤️

@TullipR I'm so sorry this happened to you it's so shocking. 😔 may I ask where in the world you are based?