I have no sensation in my crotch region at all. You could stab me with a knife and I wouldn't know. The entire area is numb, like it's shell shocked and unable to comprehend what happened, even 4 years on.

No one told me that the base area of your penis is left, it can't be removed - meaning you're left with a literal stump inside that twitches. When you take Testosterone and your libido returns, you wake up with morning wood, without the tree. I wish this was a joke

And thats something that will never come back and one of the reason why i got surgery. My sex drive died about 6 months on HRT and at the time I was glad to be rid of it, but now 10 years later, Im realising what im missing out on and what I won't get back.

Because even if i had a sex drive, my neo vagina is so narrow and small, i wouldn't even be able to have sex if i wanted too. And when I do use a small dilator, I have random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than pleasure.

Any pleasure I do get comes from the Prostate that was moved forward and wrapped in glands from the penis, meaning anal sex isnt possible and can risk further damage.

Then theres the dreams. I dream often, that I have both sets of genitals, in the dream I'm distressed I have both, why both I think? I tell myself to wake up because I know its just a dream. And I awaken into a living nightmare.

In those moments of amnesia as I would wake, I would reach down to my crotch area expecting something that was there for 3 decades, and it's not. My heart skips a beat, every single damn time.

Then theres the act of going to the toilet. It takes me about 10 minutes to empty my bladder, it's extremely slow, painful and because it dribbles no matter how much i relax, it will then just go all over that entire area, leaving me soaken.

So after cleaning myself up, I will find moments later that my underwear is wet - no matter how much I wiped, it slowly drips out for the best part of an hour. I never knew at 35 I ran the risk like smelling like piss everywhere I went.

Now i get to the point where im detransitioned and the realisation that this is permanent is catching up with me. During transition, I was obsessive and deeply unwell, I cannot believe they were allowed to do this to me, even after all the red flags.

I wasn't even asked if I wanted to freeze sperm or want kids. In my obsessive, deeply unwell state they just nodded along and didnt tell me the realities, what life would be like.

And finally, theres dilation, which is like some sort of demonic ceremony where you impale yourself for 20 agonising minutes to remind you of your own stupidity.

This isn't even the half of it. And this isn't regret either, this is grief and anger. Fuck everyone who let this happen.

@TullipR Wow. This was really difficult to read, but I am in awe of your courage to speak out about something so personal and painful. I believe you will save others from making an irreversible decision and a lifetime of regret. THANK YOU.

@TullipR I am so sorry. You have every right to feel grief anger. You also deserve answers. Whatever we can do to support you, there are many of us who care.

@TullipR I am enraged and grief stricken for you. This is why I won’t stop fighting. This is why I am so relentless, intense, and unyielding. ❤️⚔️

@TullipR I don't have any words that aren't wholly inadequate. ((hug))

@TullipR Sending you so many hugs 💗💗💗

@TullipR Heart breaking thread.💔 I am so, so sorry you have to go through this. Thank you for sharing your story.

@TullipR @threadreaderapp please unroll

@TullipR Love you bro. Thanks for sharing. I hope your bravery & honesty will echo loud enough to make change actually happen. I hope you can get the care you need someday. 🙏

@TullipR Sue.

@TullipR Sending tons of LOVE

@TullipR How the fuck is this healthcare?

@TullipR <wee hug>

@TullipR God I am so sorry Tulip. We just have to stop this happening to others. Kudos for speaking out.

@TullipR I am saddened and angry for you too. This should always be paired up with a councelling check to make sure it what you wanted. I do want to ask if today, which way you identity leans and if you are on blockers still?

@TullipR I’m retweeting and sharing to my instagram

@TullipR Thank you for speaking up. I hope and pray you find some meaning and purpose in that. This greed and cruelty needs to end.

@TullipR Thinking of you and covering you with blessings and prayers for your future. ❤️🙏🙏

@TullipR @threadreaderapp unroll plz.

@TullipR I'm really sorry to hear this. Hope you can find a way through it all.

@TullipR @threadreaderapp unroll

@TullipR Feels wrong to like your tweets, but have to say I admire your bravery in writing them, seems you and others are the result of ‘affirmation’ therapy. It has to stop, it’s destroying innocent lives. I’d love to pay into a GoFundMe that was set up to make these responsible pay.

@TullipR My heart breaks for you & what you have to endure. Please take good care of yourself. I've seen you interview & I know you're capable of using humor to help get through it. I hope you also have lots of good support. My anger at those who did this to you is as fierce as 1000 suns.

@TullipR I am so very very sorry this happened to you, and deeply ashamed of my profession. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. Are you in the UK, or elsewhere?

@TullipR 😥 choked. I hope they all get what they deserve. All of them. I wish I could go back and stop you. I wish lots of things. Mostly I want you to know you really did deserve better. Immeasurably so. I'm sorry ❤️

@TullipR Wait a minute. What happened to my body. Y choice? Did they tie you down without your consent? Did they do the surgery without your permission? Hmm, I didn't think so 🤔. I bet you asked for it and got it. Buyers Remorse. Don't pin the blame on others.

@TullipR I sympathize with your suffering and ask you to listen to what I am going to say. The peace you seek exists and it is in the Catholic Church. During the day, visit a Church, enter there, sit down, be silent and let the Holy Spirit speak to you. Try to receive the sacraments and

@TullipR Totally agree with your final sentiment. Way too many people have been getting away with inflicting this type of substandard care or covering up for those who have. Kudos for speaking up. You will definitely help others by doing so. @threadreaderapp please unroll

@TullipR I feel angry too. It’s important that the raw truth of this is clear to people.

@TullipR 😳And this is what they want for children? 3yrolds can “choose” this? No, no, no,nooo.

@TullipR I read this whilst hiding behind my hands. I wish ppl would listen. It is a distressing read. So sorry.

@TullipR Oh love, this is awful to read. I’m so sorry people spun a web of lies to you & you were in such a place that you believed them. We should be able to trust doctors. Thank you for warning others

@TullipR Grief & rage are entirely understandable, especially in the face of medical neglect & downright malpractice - I hope you have support from people around you, this is far too traumatic to go through alone xx

@TullipR "Everyone" didn't let this happen! YOU let this happen!

@TullipR This is harrowing. I'm so sorry this has been done to you.

@TullipR This breaks my heart. There are ppl who transitioning makes perfect sense but without tight control guidelines (JMO) - it's a $$$ pit , economic boom for some. Ppl are being exploited. I am so sorry this happened. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish u the best.

@TullipR I’m lost for words. 😞Your story should be made a compulsive read for all those kids out there, who have fallen victim to trans ideology. Thank you for sharing. ❤️