Lorwen C Nagle, PhD

FOBO is a modern-day paralysis. You're flooded with choices: • Which project to pursue • Which job to take • Which niche to build in • Even what to eat or watch But choosing one means rejecting all others. You end up, NEVER acting.

But here’s the twist: This fear doesn’t just come from having too many options. It comes from identifying with the voice that’s afraid to choose. Francis Lucille--a direct student of Jean Klein and a rare modern philosopher of consciousness--teaches: "You are not your thoughts. You are awareness in which thoughts appear."

This isn't new age mumbo jumbo. It's neuroscience-backed insight. Studies prove that the brain generates thoughts before we're aware of them. Which means... You're reacting to noise, not reality.

Lucille says: "Just observe. Don't interfere. You're not the thinker, you're the witness." From his perspective, FOBO is simply another thought arising out of a unified field of consciousness.

When a thought arises, Lucille says: "Watch it!" The more you observe... the more you create space between you and the thought. That space is freedom.

"If we believe we are separate entities, then every choice becomes loaded with existential weight."-- Francis Lucille Will I regret this? Will this choice fulfill me? What if something better comes along? These negative thought patterns make us profoundly unhappy.

FOBO isn't simply an annoying mental habit. It's an immune system destroyer and shortens your life. You get eye strain, tension headaches, and become a teeth grinder.

1/ The first step in Lucille's approach would be to pause and ask: Who is this "I" that fears missing out? Who is this "I" that needs something better? Who is this "I" that needs everything to be right?

2/ "The root of all suffering is the belief that happiness depends on something outside you." This isn't Francis Lucille's original idea. Gautama the Buddha, Confucius, and many other great saints said the same thing. "But choosing is a human right!" you say. "It signifies freedom! " But is that true? Confucius says...

3/ What if the "chooser"—this anxious, separate self—is itself an illusion? What if there's only consciousness experiencing various expressions of itself? FOBO begins to dissolve from this viewpoint.

Now, here's the twist. 4/ Lucille would invite you to notice how your desperate search for a "better option" reveals... a deeper longing—not for the perfect choice--but for the peace and completeness of your true nature. Pema Chodron confirms this-

Like a Zen koan, Lucille says: 5/ "What you are looking for is what is looking". He's pointing to meta-cognition (what I teach). How our restless seeking for fulfillment through better choices is actually our displaced longing to recognize who we truly are. From this understanding, choices become a creative expression rather than a burden.

Here's where it gets exciting: 6/ True freedom isn't having infinite options, but recognizing your happiness doesn't depend on any option. From this vantage point: choosing is irrelevant since its outcome isn't loaded with success or failure.

7/ Instead of learning better decision-making techniques, Lucille would suggest you return to presence—a direct experience of being aware in this moment. Endless scrolling, comparing, and agonizing over decisions falls away when you stay aware and in the present moment.

When you recognize yourself as the awareness in which all experiences arise, choices become expressions of your true nature rather than attempts to complete yourself. Decision-making becomes lighter and more intuitive.

8/ The "fear" in FOBO becomes what it is—thoughts and sensations arising in awareness--not factual statements about reality itself. Predictions of future regret are just that--thoughts!

9/ Lucille teaches: "All searching for happiness is unhappiness," When we stop seeking happiness outside ourselves. FOBO lossens its grip. We begin to make choices out of freedom, not fear.

The ultimate resolution to FOBO isn't finding the perfect option... but recognizing the perfect awareness that you already are... the consciousness in which all options, fears, and decisions arise and subside like waves in the ocean.

If you're struggling with FOBO and searching for answers, book a free discovery call with my coordinator and see if working with me is a good fit. https://denisbentoj.carrd.co/

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The modern Plato's cave has comfortable cushions, endless entertainment, and social validation for staying put. Breaking free takes courage, curiosity, and the willingness to be temporarily disoriented and seek guidance... I'm a PhD clinical psychologist @UTAustin and Post-doc @Harvard I can help you find your true self.