your emotional beliefs update when you experience "safe surprise": something your subconscious didn't predict, but which feels safe e.g. I jumped off the scary big cliff into the water, which felt like certain death, but I'm okay how to apply this:
I experienced this recently when I posted my first IG reel, which my subconscious was sure would lead to ostracism & execution, but which actually led to some nice comments and a feeling of pride: https://x.com/scottdomes/statu...
the catch here is that if you end up feeling *less* safe, you'll strengthen the emotional belief this is why forcing yourself to do things can backfire if I force myself to post on social media when I REALLY don't want to, and have a panic attack afterwards, then I've
mindful of our edge = doing things that feel scary but not overwhelming and also trying to create the conditions of safety on the other side e.g. having people around to support you & give you positive feedback AFTER you make the leap
safe surprise is also how therapy/coaching works e.g. if I feel super shameful about something about me, my subconscious is predicting that sharing that = death but then if my therapist receives it with compassion & understanding... surprise! feels good. belief updated ✅
too many people focus on the "scary" part without focusing on the "safe" "I'm going to force myself to do scary things" is a great sentiment, but if you're not also intentional about creating a sense of safety, you're just reinforcing the same beliefs
a better approach is a two part question: 1) what feels scary for me? 2) how can I make the experience feel safe?
at the top of the cliff, I'm still going to feel scared. I still have to force myself to jump but if at the bottom, there is: a) deep enough water b) friends to celebrate the jump c) a clear path to swim back to shore then next time is going to feel easier & easier