So it turns out they were having a premiere that night. And I'm the kind of guy that looks up stuff like this, which led me to this trailer. AND JESUS CHRIST.

And I was like, "surely this isn't real." But then I went on the SM Cinema website, and the movie was listed there, with a baffling runtime of 150 minutes.

So later that night, I went up to the registration desk, and I asked when the movie was opening. Person up front was like, "tonight." And I said, "I mean, when is it going to be in cinemas?" And he said "Ito po yung premiere."

I also asked what their MTRCB rating was. On the SM website, it was 'TBC,' and I went to the MTRCB site and I looked it up, and it wasn't there. Person at registration didn't know. Didn't think this was too important at the time, but oh boy.

Anyway, I figured I should try to get into this thing. And I asked if I could get a ticket. Said I probably wasn't on their guest list, but I'm media. And they gave me a ticket. Didn't even ask for my name.

Didn't get a picture of this, but there was a cocktail party setup. There was a grazing table, but it was a pretty odd one. They had slices of what looked like Gardenia whole wheat bread laid out. Not even toasted or anything. Served alongside bland cheese and awful cold cuts.

The host told everyone to go to the entrance of the red carpet, so we could have the red carpet experience. The director and the cast assembled there, and waited there for what felt like an hour.

They finally did the walk down, and every one of them was interviewed. And then, people who were introduced as their "friends" and made the walk, and were interviewed one by one. This was going on forever.

Side note: they were giving these out. Postcards featuring the movie's lead(?) actress, Russian model Anastasiia Dymchenko.

Anyway, we get in the theater at around 8PM. At which point the entire cast is trotted out again, and all made to say something. So this is another like, forty minutes of not watching the movie. Was starting to think that there was no movie at this point.

I'll note here that many of the cast were like, "I'm so excited to finally see the movie," which indicates that they had no idea what was going to happen next.

They took a photo with the audience, who were told to gather more to the center to make the cinema more filled out. I think there were like, 120 people? The host said something about a lot of them being based in Saudi, and therefore rich. So cool.

And then the host was like, "are you ready to see the trailer?" And I wanted to scream in my seat, but what the hell do you mean ****the trailer****?

So they showed it, and at the end there was a smattering of light applause. And then the MTRCB rating card came up again, and they played the trailer a second time. And then a third.

Lights came on and director Danni Ugali and Ron Chan explained that they couldn't actually show the movie tonight. At first, they alluded to a technical problem, but then he's goes, "actually tapos na yung film, pero hindi umabot yung MTRCB permit."

So anyway, I did a journalism. Does this movie exist? I don't know. At this point, I don't know if I exist.

@philbertdy WTF Money Laundering?

@philbertdy This trailer makes neil breen look like stephen speilberg in comparison. truly one of the films (n)ever made

@philbertdy maybe high tayong lahat and this is collective hallucinations

@philbertdy haha bakit parang mga skits sa tiktok ang quality ng video 😭😆

@philbertdy thank you; that tickled my imagination. your telling of the events could be made into an entire movie!

@philbertdy Looks like an AI fever dream

@philbertdy Money laundering film. Check niyo yung “Ang Aking Mga Anak” na pinalabas sa SM Cinemas. Delikado

@philbertdy What the helly

@philbertdy @Ig_Thornycroft may this filmic experience never find either of us

@philbertdy Tawang tawa ako sa trailer

@philbertdy sana ipalabas sa netflix. yung trailer charot

@philbertdy https://www.philstar.com/enter...

@philbertdy What in the fcking AI is that? HAHAHAHAHAH. Omygosh. It’s like a product from asking ChatGPT to create an action movie. HAHAHAHAHAH.

@philbertdy Nkklk! Siguro naman hindi biglang susulpot yung trailer nyan habang nagbi-binge watch ako ng past project runway seasons sa youtube, anez?! Ahahahahahahah Buti hindi sila nag-alok ng networking kineso jan, noh?!

@philbertdy How did you rate the movie...trailer po?😅 Sorry pero tawang-tawa po ako sa experience nyo. Kaloka🤣🤣🤣🤣

@philbertdy this looks like straight from your nightmare na kung ano ano nalang nangyayari

@philbertdy parang entering the twilight zone to 😅😅

@philbertdy So these are real people??? Cuz it looks like AI fosho

@philbertdy Were they hoping the MTRCB rating will come out before they get to the 3rd trailer? 🤣. I cn imagine the convo.