*Not* believing people, then not *telling* them you don’t believe them, and giving *positive* feedback is no where near the same, not even in reverse. It’s just cowardly, dishonest, and away always always ends in ruin. And here we are.

Again, in not ignorant, malicious, or detached just because I have a personality disorder or embrace conflict. That’s not how it works. Isn’t conflict NOT ABUSE? It is it only the way she deals with conflict that isn’t abuse, which is, not at all.

You’d think she’d be wise enough to have learned this by now, but what the fuck do I know, I don’t have a radio show serving up to *3 million people.*

Like, please, miss me with the “I’m actually nobody” crap. She hasn’t exactly said this, so, draw your own conclusions.

Either you’re famous or you’re not, not both. Either you have 7,033,760 views, 25.9K subscribers, and 2,405 videos over 19 years, or you don’t. That’s just on YouTube, not counting television, or that she was notable enough to have a Wikipedia page and a canon D.C. character.

I know I don’t. I never have.

Unlike what Saige and others repeat with zero cogent argument other than “Libertarian nonsense” and “social harm” you can’t do things in public and private at the same time. It’s not about intent. It’s about execution. You gotta pick one.

She constantly talks about productive resolution, but it’s always couched in performing in ways that tend to benefit the abuser and their sensibilities. So you’d think she’d embrace me, the alleged abuser, but she doesn’t. No, I’m to embrace her sensibilities.

I don’t have any problem interacting *in general* with the greater society at large outside of this stuff. No one is running away from me. Liana isn’t the standard just because she has all of those things.

What I have a problem with is that I won’t embrace the sensibilities or comfort the person who has lied, misremembered, and trauma responsed her way into total mental health stigmatization and delegitimization, repeatedly.

So, yeah, she can talk about productive resolution all she wants, claiming that embrace is strong, virtuous, wonderful, and you can believe it, but what motivation am I supposed to have to do so after all of this?

Since everything I’ve said is true, why is it somehow my responsibility, which is always explicitly unsaid by Liana, to be strong, to go stoic, to accept an apprpriate amount of abuse, to be better, to fix anything, to make sure she *feels* safe,

and start an honest dialogue (which is what I’ve actually been doing)? For the greater good? For you? For her?

No, it’s always for me, my peace of mind, my growth. I cannot stress enough how much those are not problems for me. I’ve been doing this 24 years. I have improved dramatically. It’s not for me. Open your eyes. It’s for her.

And I refuse to do it, and that’s *her* problem *she* created, much like Giancarlo, with *her* choices. When everyone in your life that’s a problem has absolutely nothing to do with you, you are delusional.

I don’t come from an undeserved place of guilt to anything because I want things to be the way they were. I don’t sacrifice my self-respect like that. I’m not into smoothing things out. I don’t care about that at all. That covers up the truth.

I don’t *WANT* whatever this soul thing is, or that book’s definition of a conscience. I don’t want them. It sounds ugly, wretched, and horrible, and I see it all the time. I am not to be saved. I am not to be fixed. I am not to be “bettered” into some form of civilization.

Take this however you want. I’m not losing anything telling you this. You cause yourself problems not believing it. And in this position, why would I need to tear *ANYONE* down to elevate myself above them. I cant. It’s impossible in the eyes of others.

I also do not need company. I don’t *NEED* friends or validation. These are all fantastical tropes to make people who operate like you feel better. The “other side” doesn’t work like that at all. So why do it?

In short, if I may act like Liana in this paragraph, she is revealing to you her thought process, her feelings, her insecurities about cruelty, her pain, her victimization, and you find it believable because you find it all relatable, and you don’t find me relatable at all.

None of that changes one molecule of what I am and will always be. Believe you know better at your own detriment. I cannot. Make it. Any plainer. I just can’t. The rest is on you.

If you *still* believe you know better for me, *and* that you will be the one to ‘save’ me, then, PLEASE For the love of all the dreams, worries, love, compassion, security, trust, and belief you all hold so dear, because I do too, DON’T. PRETEND. TO. BE. MY. FRIEND.

You will only cause pain.

My husband knows this. My mother knows this. My friends know this, ultimately, pretty early, which is why Liana said what she said. I don’t hide it. This isn’t a revelation that I’ve been forced to make. Liana revealed nothing. This is why people call me evil.

I have no need to make up victimization, it’s all right there for everyone to see and think.

And it is victimization, because I’m honest. People should know exactly what they’re getting into but they believe they know better. They fucking don’t. I’m so tired of this. You are not my victim if I tell you what to expect from me. And I do.

Why wouldn’t I? I don’t want victims because I don’t want to be a victim. It’s so fucking simple once you strip away the stigma.

Even if we disagree, and you see me as evil, that’s still on you. I’m a human being who loves, dreams, wonders, who feels sadness, hurt, pain, and joy, and who is so fucking honest. I *can* be a victim like every other human being.

Are we gonna actually open our minds and be responsibly inclusive and fair or was this all tribalistic petty-ass biased very two-sided whim worshipping bullshit, the worst of humanity all along now celebrated?

Why do you think I always stood out? Felt different? Didn’t gel? It wasn’t cause I was furry or gay or awkward. It was cause of this. It’s always been this. I didn’t become this. I am this. And so, why do you think I have such sympathy, understanding, and got behind that ideal?