Make of it what you will, but if I tell you how I feel and what I think and consistently act like it then at some point you gotta pull your head out of your ass and realize that your emotional experience is not the measure of humanity.

I know I have, contrary to popular opinion, which is why I can say this with such certainty. I do not have a problem with not moving on. I do not have a problem with growth, it’s how I can even spit this.

I do not have a problem with forgiveness, which is all about the other person for me. If it’s not about them, then why the fuck am I forgiving them? I don’t need to. I’m very happy not doing that. It doesn’t bother me. Not forgiving someone doesn’t make me feel bad.

I don’t have any emotional problems holding any grudges I decide to hold. It does not weigh down on me. I have no internal insecurities or worries over my decisions. If I do, I act on them and fix them pretty quick.

I don’t have a soul. What is that exactly? I’m serious. What is it? Whatever it is, if I were to imagine it, it isn’t something that gets stained forever, it’s just there to value. These are her trappings, or your trappings, not mine. I don’t care about them. At all.

And I don’t have what some people might call a conscience, and here I’m specifically citing The Sociopath Next Door. Read her definition. I don’t have what she defines as a conscience, which, according to her, makes me a sociopath.

Not ashamed or embarrassed to say this, which should tell you something about my relationships with anyone.

What *I* find incredibly sociopathic is the idea that anyone thinks they have a magical conscience that tells them with absolute certainty when they’ve done something wrong because they feel it. This is the book’s definition. It is pure fantasy.

I *feel guilt and remorse* when I’ve done something that doesn’t line up with what I want, intended, promised, or value. And what do I do? I apologize and fix it, always hoping for a resolution.

When I can’t, there’s not a lot of reason to dwell on it to my determinant, just do better. That’s what my father taught me.

I’m just gonna make it unabashedly plain: when *anyone* and I mean *ANYONE* is putting these things on me in any way, they are actually revealing how *THEY* and many others think. They are revealing their insecurities because they imagine I’d have them. I don’t.

I’ve worked very hard to eliminate them because I used to think I was at the bottom of a very very imaginary male pyramid (that no woman is ever a part of ever). I’m not. It doesn’t exist. You don’t know “better.” You know better for you, but not for me. You don’t know me.

Get over yourself.

I figured out the way to do it is to embrace whatever it is you think you might have to hide or resign yourself to and *dun dun dun* fucking do something about it. And most of the time, that’s gonna result in some kind of conflict.

And that’s why conflict is good and why I am pro-conflict. Conflict is productive life. Not abuse. Honest conflict. Conflict isn’t abuse. Asking someone to stop lying or misrepresenting or misremembering isn’t abuse, it’s conflict.

Telling the truth and sharing what’s yours to share (it happened TO YOU and you never had the opportunity to consent to not sharing it) isn’t abuse, it’s conflict. Saying, “I didn’t say that,” or “I didn’t do that,” is not unintentional gaslighting.

It’s asserting yourself for fuck sake. If the other person can’t handle that, and makes it your problem, they are gaslighting you into thinking their personal experience is more important than the truth.

They are trying to guilt you into believing that their lack of security, self-assuredness, and boundaries is your problem. And when you do it, they call it strength, integrity, character, and compassion. That’s false. The truth is NEVER abuse, but it can be conflict.

That’s why it probably looks like I’m always in conflict and won’t “let things go.” Because I don’t have to for my own peace of mind. It is unnecessary for me. That only benefits others emotionally, not me.

Tell the truth and I’ll let it go. Resolve the conflict, own your choices and state what’s yours to state, and I’ll let it go.

Yes, to recap, I have no soul, I have no conscience, I am not bad or good, I’m just me that exists here and now with a sense of reason I apply to great extent.

This is why people say I’m evil, horrible, no good, only know death, and so on. I’m not edgelording. I don’t think this makes me cool in other people’s eyes. I know it doesn’t. I’m not “confused.”

I don’t care if it shocks someone like a weird kid that desperately wants attention. I’m 42 years old for fucks sake. I say shit like this because I mean it. It’s the truth, I act like it, and it never changes.

I don’t come from an undeserved place of guilt to anything because I want things to be the way they were. I don’t sacrifice my self-respect like that. I’m not into smoothing things out. I don’t care about that at all. That covers up the truth.