Hello. If you are reading this, I am dead. I want to start this by stating that I’ve been very unhappy for a long time. It is thanks to my family and friends that I have held on for this long. If you have made a positive impact in my life, I have likely written to you privately.
I want to thank everyone who has interacted with me online. This community has made me feel more welcome than I ever have anywhere else. Through this community, I have met my favorite people of all time. Saying goodbye to it all is a hard choice for me to make,
but I believe there is simply not a place for me in this world. Human interaction has been a struggle for me ever since I can remember. All I desire in life is to make a real human connection with someone and time and time again I prove to myself that I am a failure.
I cant speak right I cant laugh right I cant stand right I cant smile right. It feels like I’m trapped in a body that does not belong to me and I should not be occupying. While I have other motivations in life, I’ve always wanted to be somebody’s somebody more than anything else.
No matter what I do, I cannot bring myself to change the things about myself that stop me from making connections. I deeply fear making people uncomfortable, and even sending someone a message causes me so much stress that it completely overwhelms my head.
Some days I wake up more confident than the last, but I always end the day feeling terrible about any interaction I had. Even in a welcoming setting like riptide, I felt terrible about interacting with some of the most lovely people ever.
I want to be clear: all these problems are my fault and I just do not think I’m someone who’s meant to be loved/cared for. Despite me making it as hard as possible, some of you have still tried as much as possible to make me feel welcome. Thank you all for your attempt with me.
You are all such wonderful people and deserve so much better than me. Please don’t miss me. I love you all. I am so sorry
@Pikpiktheant i never really met you or anything i remembered you as a funny ass dude, but i really hope that you didn't follow through, despite what you say you are loved and you matter.
@Pikpiktheant I love you pikpik, genuinely youre a great friend ive made over the year or so, even if we're not as close friends as id like to be, i still think youre funny and smart. i dont want to reiterate what others might say or blab on about, how life will get better for you, because id-
@Pikpiktheant You were truly a great friend I met at riptide, even if I only met you for a few days, they were truly special to me. I truly hope you’re okay and you reach out to me soon as possible, I care and cherish you so much as a friend.
@Pikpiktheant I hope I see you again you are a fucking amazing guy
@Pikpiktheant please if your still here, please don't die. i don't want to lose the people i care about.
@Pikpiktheant I'm praying for you
@Pikpiktheant We'll miss you so much, pikpik.