I've always accepted that I'm not someone who is conventionally attractive; it's not me being self deprecating or fishing for compliments etc it's just what it is and it used to haunt me until I learned to just accept it and make it work, for me.

That thinking has even made me try to be a better DJ from the get go; because I always felt like I was compensating for the fact that I wasn't gonna get booked to look good on the promo or in the booth - I had to 10-20% better than everyone else to overcome my physical failings

I even tried to change who I am (unsuccessfully) - I tried to fake the confidence of a "proper DJ", and I thought to myself "If I lost the weight, that'll fix it". Well I've been fatter and thinner and in the end it didn't make a difference. Acknowledging that has changed my life

Sometimes I feel like I'm in an alternate reality; I am lucky to work with beautiful super talented people but I always felt *that* universe wasn't meant for me; like I never belonged. Being in those spaces was like peeling back the curtain to a space I wasn't enough to be in

Which is why I've never pursued much; I've always been grateful to be allowed to do something I love, and work with fabulous people doing super fun things. I am and always will be grateful that is where i've landed today

Anyway those are just some random words I wanted to throw out into the aether as I'm sat here alone in my London Travelodge on a rainy Sunday night in London. Back to Wales tomorrow; home is good. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

(oh and I'm totally okay btw, just wanted to share some thoughts cos I met lots of people in LDN and they probably thought I was a bit strange, like some sort of awkward hobbit from the valleys 😂)