208. Someone asks a cowardly boxer, ‘Whom do you have a fight with today?’ With a polite gesture in the direction of his opponent, he answers, ‘With that dear sweet gentleman over there.’

203. A fellow approaches a stupid prophet and asks if his enemy will come to town. The prophet responds that he’s not coming. But when the fellow learns a few days later that his enemy is actually in town now, the prophet remarks, ‘Yeah, the guy’s outrageous, isn’t he?’

154. In Kyme, an official of some sort is having a funeral. A stranger approaches those conducting the obsequies and asks, ‘Who’s the dead guy?’ One of the Kymaeans turns and points: The one lying over there in the coffin.’

148. When the talkative barber asks him, ‘How shall I cut your hair?,’ a quick wit answers, ‘Silently.’

137. A fellow says to a butcher from Sidon, ‘Lend me a knife as far as Smyrna.’ ‘I don’t have a knife that reaches that far,’ answers the butcher.

120. An Abderite hears that beans cause wind. So when he hangs a sackful on his sailing ship.

115. An Abderite sees a eunuch talking with a woman and asks him if she’s his wife. The guy responds that a eunuch is unable to have a wife. ‘Ah, so she’s your daughter?’

112. An Abderite wants to hang himself, but the rope breaks and he gets a bad bump on the head. He goes to the doctor, gets some salve, rubs it on the wound, and then goes ahead and hangs himself again.

109. A dunce hears that fair judgments are made in Hades. Since he has a case in court, he hangs himself.

103. A dunce is discussing with 2 friends. One says it’s not right to slaughter a sheep, because it gives milk and wool. The other points out that it’s also not proper to kill a cow, because it provides milk and the work of ploughing. The dunce chimes in: ‘And it’s not right to

84. A dunce addresses the troops: ‘We have a long march ahead of us tomorrow, boys, so do some extra sitting today.’

82. In the course of a battle, a student dunce scales a wall and gets a bucket of shit poured over him. he shouts, ‘Would you mind keeping this a clean fight?’

80. A dunce is sailing on a ship that’s in grave danger because of a storm. To make the ship lighter, the passengers are throwing articles from their baggage overboard; they urge him to do the same. So takes out a cheque for 1,500,000 drachmae and erases 500,000 from the cheque.

65. A student dunce’s son is sent off to the war by his father. He promises to come back with the head of one of the enemy. Til be glad,’ responds the dunce, ‘when I see you’ve come back, even with no head!’

62. Back in the year of the Millennial Games in Rome [248 C.E.], a student dunce saw a defeated athlete in tears. ‘Don’t feel bad, you'll win the next Millennial Games'.

57. A student dunce begets a child by a slave girl. His father advises him to kill the child. The dunce retorts, ‘First kill your own children, and then tell me to do the same with mine!’

55. A sly student dunce has run out of money. He resorts to selling off his books, telling his father in a letter, ‘Congratulate me, Father! I’m already earning a living through my books!’

51. A student dunce, visiting his own farm, notices a well and asks if the water is good. When the peasants respond, ‘It’s good water; why, your parents used to drink from it,’ the dunce exclaims, ‘How long must their necks have been, to be able to drink from such a deep well?’

46. A student dunce’s farm agent reports that the river has taken his entire property. ‘No fair!,’ shouts the dunce. 'I'll sue. '

41. A student dunce is selling a house. He carries around one of its building blocks to show people what it’s like.

36. A student has the habit of judging people by the cost of their clothes. His father hears about this and scolds him. ‘Father,’ says the dunce, ‘you've been listening to unreliable slander.’ ‘Well, it was So-and-So who told me.’ ‘Him!? You’d believe someone whose suit cost less

30. Seeing that he’s about to be shipwrecked, a student dunce calls for wax tablets so that he can write his will. Noticing that his slaves are in great distress because of their impending doom, he tells them, ‘Don’t be upset; I’m setting you free.’

18. A man goes up to a student dunce and says, The slave you sold me died.’ ‘By the gods,’ counters the dunce, ‘when he was with me, he never did any such thing!’

13. A couple of student dunces are complaining to each other about the fact that their fathers are still alive. One of them says, ‘Why don’t we each strangle our old men?’ ‘No way! That would be parricide? But if you like, you kill mine, and I’ll kill yours.’

3. A student dunce goes to the doctor and says, ‘Doctor, when I wake up, I’m all dizzy, then after half-an-hour I’m O.K.' ‘Well, wait a half-hour before waking up,' advises the doctor.

247. A wife-hater is attending to the burial of his wife, who has just died. When someone asks, ‘Who is it who rests in peace here?’, he answers, ‘Me'

249. A wife-hater has a garrulous and abusive wife. She dies, and he has her carried out on a shield. One of the spectators asks why. ‘She was a fighter,’ he answers.

@lefineder A bunch of these are "student dunce", which strikes me as an awkward and unnecessary construction. I'm curious what the original phrase is

@lefineder I’m buying this! Thank for your always refreshing finds.

@lefineder Delightful post, ty!