Got my days wrong and ended up alone in a room with my boss and the President of Ireland while I was on ketamine. https://x.com/b3ta/status/9920...
Right, this was when I was eighteen so don't judge me too harshly. Or if you think drugs are cool and I'm a legend, fill your boots. Anyway, at the time I was working through college in Dublin with bar shifts at [redacted] music venue. One day I get a call on my day off.
Way the gig worked, you'd either get Fri or Sat off. This week it was Fri, happy days. My manager, let's call her Dympna, pipes up on the phone: "So, when you come in this evening, just a few things to remember". I'm like, hold on Dympz, I'm off this eve, jog on. She corrects me.
"Remember I said you could get all of Saturday off if you just worked 2 hours tonight?". And of course THEN, I did suddenly remember, she'd said it to me as I was leaving the building and my conscious work brain was doing somersaults to get out of the place.
She could have told me I was to have my foreskin tattooed with a harpoon and I would have given her a smile, thumbs up, and a flurry of yeps to get out of the place. I was eighteen. On minimum wage, and - bear in mind this is really saying something - my absolute minimum effort.
So, I'm bang to rights and I say "yeaaah, of course, sorry just got my days mixed up, I'll be there no problem" and she says, "this evening will be fine, just the head of the [redacted] and some VIPs, few hours then you can take off". All good. Except for the one thing.
At that very moment, I was in a mate's house on Dame St, relaxing with (I thought) nothing to do for the evening. Now you have to remember that, before dabbing and fortnite, kids used "drugs" to get high and I was, occasionally, adjacent to them.
I was a fairly sheltered kid before college, and didn't even drink til I was well into my late teens, never smoked even. I was very green. So too, coincidentally, was the homebrew ketamine that said pal was making IN HIS OVEN when I arrived.
My pal had gotten it in liquid form and, for some reason, it had been dyed green - he has subsequently told me he thought it was a St Patrick's Day promotion, and I've always thought it a charming entrepreneurial flourish on the part of his enterprising ketamine wholesaler.
(Ketamine wholesalers are often vets, and the stuff originally for cats. People always say horse tranquiliser, either to make it sound more sordid or more badass, but ketamine is used on many animals, and vets have more use for cat tranqs than horses. Not quite as sexy is it?)
Anyway, for want of a better idea, I took him up on his offer of a line of this thick, vaguely slightly clumpy bright green powder, knowing I had nothing else to do for the evening. Felt nothing. Had a tiny further bump 10 mins later. It was at this point that my phone rang.
FLASHBACK ENDS, WE'RE BACK IN THE ROOM. So I'm definitely sweating after the call, not like instant come-up, more worried ABOUT the come-up. Never done this in my life, I've no idea how it's going to feel. But, absent any other idea, I get my stuff together and head to work.
On way to work, starts kicking in. You know when the roof of your mouth starts politely folding your brain in half, and your chest flutters like a cathedral filled with bees? I was holding it together but knew if I stopped concentrating for one second, I would become time itself.
By the time I reach work (twenty mins later) I am sweating like microwaved bread, eyes on hinges, convinced my fingernails owe me money. I have an overwelming urge to yawn, just to get the memories out WHEN in comes Dympna with the rota for the evening.
D: Thanks again, know it's short- oh, you look a bit hot and bothered, did you run here ha?" Me: Hmnnnnnyes, I did - the dids is" D: OK, just you tonight and the top man, he's showing the President what's going on for the next while" [one beat] Me: Sorr din you sez de presddyen?"
D: Yes, Mary McAleese is in to see this season's programme of events. Me: Hmmnggg D: All you need to do is stand in the corner and offer them drinks every fifteen minutes. Me: Ahhh yesssshnshh D: Maybe have a wash beforehand
@shockproofbeats This thread is being discussed on reddit and this user came up with a great suggestion
@NMCarthaigh We're waaaay ahead of you on that score.
@shockproofbeats @Antonstotle Always lovely to see this get another outing and the cathedral of bees finds a new audience.
@shockproofbeats @pdacosta Read it to the end. Great story.
@shockproofbeats Second story today I had to feed to @threadreaderapp unroll
@shockproofbeats My word this is outstanding.
@shockproofbeats @jones_writer please read this.
@shockproofbeats fantastic story. Fa bu lous
@shockproofbeats I am so happy I read this. Fantastic.
@shockproofbeats First day at work in my first job I followed my boss into the loo when I thought he was showing me round
@shockproofbeats @b3ta the best
@shockproofbeats You doing lines of ket off her hand https://x.com/valerieloftus/st...
@shockproofbeats Reminded of my bookshop employee days when the manager used to check our eyes to see if we were suitable for customer-facing duties on Saturday mornings.
@shockproofbeats Please please tell me Mary McAleese is reading this right now
@shockproofbeats One word four letters. HERO.
@shockproofbeats Epic. I haven’t laughed as much for yonks, and I badly needed to!
@shockproofbeats Sensational.
@shockproofbeats .@shockproofbeats Hey please contact us at @RISKshow at kevin@risk-show.com. We create audio stories and get 1 million downloads per month.