Lark Abroad

The sins of the Taliban are many.  This stems, in part, from patriarchy.  Equally damningly, it stems from religious illiteracy- they don't know the basics of Islam. A 🧵🪡...

Islam originated from a need for social reform among tribes and peoples competing for resources in a harsh desert landscape.  It seeks to restore peace, justice, and stability for the most vulnerable elements of society: women, children, widows, and the disabled.

It codifies minimum standards for human rights observances and protections as a starting point for establishing what is good for the community.

What it does not seek to do is empower men, enable the abuse or oppression of women, or justify torture.

Let's first consider the violations of the Taliban as individual men in society.

It is easiest to see violations of Islamic ethics, law, and principles by examining both obligations and rights.

Islam treats spousal obligations as a trust, not ownership. A husband is not a king over a wife. He is a guardian of a trust (amāna) and will be judged for how he treats her.

“Live with them in kindness (ma‘rūf).” Qur’an 4:19
“The best of you are the best to their wives.” Prophet Muhammad (Tirmidhi)

Any leadership based on fear, intimidation, humiliation, or deprivation violates ma‘rūf and becomes oppression (THulm).

Coercive control is forbidden (HarAm) in Islam
Coercive control = controlling food, money, movement, communication, or emotional security through violence, threats, or fear.

In Islamic ethics, this falls under:
udwan (aggression)
qahr (overpowering / domination)
ta‘arrud (harassment)
Thulm (oppression)
buhtan (psychological harm or false blame)

The Qur’an commands zero tolerance for this: “Do not hold them(women) in order to harm them and transgress.” Qur’an 2:231  This verse was revealed to stop men who were emotionally manipulating or otherwise abusing wives.

Threatening divorce as a tool of fear is condemned
A husband threatening, “I will divorce you,” repeatedly not as an actual intention, but as a weapon of control is:
makr (plotted harm)
takhwif (terrorizing)
la‘ib bi al-aḥkām (playing with legal rulings)

Islamic scholars call this “ṭalāq al-taḥdīd” divorce as intimidation. It is considered haram, because it:
destroys emotional safety
creates fear for survival
disrupts the child’s stability
is emotionally abusive, not a legitimate legal process

A husband who constantly threatens divorce but does nothing is practicing emotional cruelty (iḍrār), which the Qur’an singles out: “And do not harm them in order to oppress them.”
 Qur’an 65:6

Shouting, insulting, and frightening are explicit sins
Islamic scholars classify:
yelling
insulting
Belittling
name-calling
frightening a child or wife
throwing objects
punching doors
destroying property

as “jabr wa qahr” (compulsion and intimidation) and kabā’ir (major sins). The Prophet said: “A believer is not one who insults, curses, is indecent, or vulgar.” (Tirmidhi) and “Do not strike the face, do not insult, and do not cause harm.” (Muslim)

Even fear caused by shouting is considered harm.

In Islamic family law, harm (ḍarar), physical or emotional, is grounds for judgment against the husband.

Financial deprivation is considered abuse
A husband who:
controls food, electricity, water
withholds money to punish
forbids the wife from purchasing essentials
refuses childcare costs
uses finances as threat

is guilty of nushuz from the husband’s side, not the wife’s.  Classical scholars defined husband nushūz as:
cruelty
arrogance
humiliating behavior
depriving a wife of rights
coercive control
refusing to provide needs
frightening wives
abandoning women emotionally

This is directly stated by Ibn Qudāma, al-Qarafi, Ibn ‘Abidin, al-Mawardi, and al-Kasani.
Islam requires a husband to provide food, shelter, protection, and dignity without humiliation.

A man who terrifies his wife is violating prophetic ethics
The Prophet absolutely forbade causing fear: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to frighten another Muslim.” (Abu Dawud)

A husband who uses violence, slammed doors, shouted, threatened divorce, has rage explosions to create fear violates this hadith.

Coercive control harms children including: 
frightening a child
destabilize their emotional world
createing chronic stress
harming their intellectual or emotional development
depriving them of safety

Even if the abuse is “only toward the mother,” children absorb it neurologically. A man who scares his wife, especially by harming his wife, scares his child by definition. This is considered abuse of amana, the sacred trust of parenthood.

Tribal or cultural excuses (such as Pashtrun Wali traditions) do NOT override Islamic law.
Islamic law overrides:
shame-honor codes
tribal masculinity
family interference
cultural normalizations of male anger

“this is how men are here” narratives
expectations that wives must endure fear

Allah says: “Do not follow the footsteps of your forefathers when they are unjust.” Paraphrase of Quran 2:170
 Islam dismantled abusive patriarchal customs in the 7th century. Invoking them today is a regression to jahiliyya.

What Islamic judges (qadis) historically did with abusive husbands
In classical fiqh, if a woman proved:
shouting
humiliation
repeated threats
deprivation
fear for safety
emotional cruelty

Judges historically had the power to:
discipline the husband
fine him
separate the couple
force him to provide properly
assign a mediator
grant divorce for harm (darar)