Dr. Nicole LePera

Many people are self described "perfectionists."

Underneath perfectionism is insecurity. And a deep fear of allowing our flaws to be seen.

Perfectionism is an illusion to unlearn.

Here's how...

A THREAD 🧵:

Perfectionism is a learned behavioral pattern.

It's learned when we're raised in environments where:

- we're punished or shamed for making mistakes 

- appearance is the main focus: how we appear to other families, physical appearance, etc.

- there's authoritative parenting: strict, rigid, black and white, harsh punishment, no room for joy or play

- there's a lack of vulnerability, openness, exploration, or curiosity

- a parent is hypervigilant (highly anxious)

As we get older, perfectionism is re-enforced in school settings where getting the wrong answer is punished. 

And, we're rewarded and ranked through grading. 

Many perfectionists become overachievers who thrive within this system.

The reality is that in life, mistakes are how we grow. 

It's how we learn about ourselves, and how we get feedback from the world around us. 

As humans, we all make mistakes. Perfection isn't exist.

We're flawed and this isn't something that we should deny. 

Or avoid. 

It's common for perfectionists to have issues with procrastination. 

This is a fear based response to thinking there is only one "right" way or one "right answer."

To leave perfectionism, we have to be comfortable with: being uncomfortable, with being vulnerable, with not having all the answers, and with others seeing us 'fail.'

Perfectionists struggle most with having other people see them fail.

This is because they've learned their value comes from never making mistakes. 

And, because when they did make mistakes as children they were: shamed, graded harshly, or not given an opportunity to learn or grow from that mistake.

When we release the illusion of perfection, we can allow ourselves to be students of life. 

Learning, adapting, and evolving from our choices. 

Rather that obsessing over the "right choice" we can learn that life is a series of choices.

And that when we make a "wrong choice" there's always an ability to pivot, or change our behavior to create a new outcome.

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